Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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