When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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