Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just had sex on a roof
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
