i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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