My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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