I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
