I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
