I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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