ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
