i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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