god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
