I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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