Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
