i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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