how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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