We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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