party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
