Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
