Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
