I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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