Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
