phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
