Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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