stop calling my apartment porn island.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
