she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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