the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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