I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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