she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
