that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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