I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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