Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Someone signed my nipple.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
