Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
