I heard we made out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
