It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
