Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
