clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
