i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
