hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
