so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is the high leading the old right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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