You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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