so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
