You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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