I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
