he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
