I smell stomach acid.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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