My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
