This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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