We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
