She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
