I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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