My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just forgot I was standing up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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