just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
