...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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