i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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