I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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