Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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