put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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