so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
