did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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