I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
