Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
