just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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