I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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