Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
