im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
