Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think my tv is drunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
