dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
