No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
