This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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