I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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