get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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