it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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