You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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