listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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