Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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