Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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