so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
