i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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